My son moved out 38 days ago. So far, I am loving it. I have never lived alone in my life. Well, there was that 3 months and 7 days back in 1987, but I had a person inside of me, so not really all alone.
It just seems when you attach the word syndrome to something, it should be painful. I guess what I am experiencing is Empty Nest Elation. I love my son. Really, I do. But for the last 7 years or so, it hasn't been so good between us.
I have been the only parent Tb has had. Single parenthood is hard. Really. It is. But back in those days, I was under the delusion that I could do anything I set my mind too. And I wanted him.
The past few years have been tough. Tb has been in and out of trouble with me, with the law, with drugs, and with alcohol. I was absolutely in the dark about how bad some of his problems were. He lost two friends to suicide when he was 16 and another to an accidental death (drug-related) when he was 17. I am 45 and have never had a close friend die. Tb is stubborn, like his mother. Actually, he is way more like me than he will ever admit.
A year ago, he got into trouble and was sent to a youth detention center. This, was quite possibly one of the best things that could have happened. I firmly believe that if he hadn't gone there, he would not have graduated from high school and would quite possibly be in prison right now. Or dead. After he came home, he did some community service and went back to work. He also was subjected to drug and alcohol counseling and random drug testing. He did manage to stay clean the whole time he was under the jurisdiction of the state's juvenile system.
However, I'm certain that the drug use started up soon after the testing ended. Because that is when things just got ugly at home. He wanted to stay out all night, sleep all day, work hard at two jobs and yet, not have any money just days after being paid. hmmm. Some of those bad habits are expensive.
Well, he is moved out. And, he seems to be doing suprisingly well. Having some money difficulties, but that will work itself out eventually. He and I have gotten together a few times for a meal and we are getting along better than ever. I see glimpses of a decent human being emerging. And, I'm hoping that with the added expense of rent, food, clothing, utilities, etc, etc, etc....it cuts down on the amount of disposable income for buying pot. That may explain the positive personality changes I see. He says he has quit smoking cigarettes. He is talking about going to college in the fall. Hasn't picked a major yet, he says there is just too much to pick from. I didn't go to college until I was 24. It's okay to wait if you aren't ready.
In the meantime, I am using the spare room to sort through stuff. When I feel like it. Doing it slow, doing it right. Seems like when I start these projects on the dining room table or the living room floor or the bed, I get distracted, it doesn't get finished and lands back in a pile or box or whatever all over again. I sleep through the night instead of worrying where he is. The toilet seat is always down when I go into the bathroom. There are no hairs left all over the sink from shaving. No dirty dishes left all over. No cake in the middle of the floor. I can do housework nekkid.
I know that if he ever moves to another town, I will miss him terribly. But for right now, this is working. He is just a phone call away if we need to see each other - about a 10 minute drive. And, he works at my favorite restaurant. I should go out for lunch.
