Why

Work is sucking today. Computer issues. Well, software issues to be exact. I do have some filing that could be done. But I hate doing that, so guess I'll goof off instead.

Why do I hate filing so much? I love it when it's easy to find things. I love it when my desk is tidy. I love it when there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. I just don't want to be the person to do all that. I think a large part of the answer to the question of why is because, believe it or not, I have some major perfectionist issues. You would never know it to look at me and my life, but they are there....lurking beneath the surface. I have a lot of things that I want and/or need to do. First, I map out a plan of attack. If this plan seems flawless, I will execute the plan. However, at the first sign of non-perfectness....I will abort. So guess what? There is alot of stuff that could be getting done, but isn't because if I can't do it perfect, why do it at all.

I do have periods of rationality from time to time, where I am able to get things done, even if they are imperfect. But I find myself falling back on old mindsets and bad habits really really easily. I hate this fact about me.

I think most of my issues come from the fact that I never did anything right in my dad's eyes. If I vacuumed, I missed a spot. If I got a B+, really, it should have been an A. You get the picture. I don't ever remember him telling me that I did something well. I am the oldest of 4 children and was expected to "set an example" for the other 3. I still cringe whenever I hear that phrase. I was a child. It wasn't my job.

Okay, it's out there. Now, I need to get over it. It's been 27 years since I left home......I'll check the computer issues again and if necessary, I'll file something.