Great Expectations, Chapter 3

I started this "series" a while back and have procrastinated with this part because I know it will be the hardest one to write. Why? Because it is about me. Just me and how I haven't lived up to my expectations.

There are a lot of shoulds in my life. I should be thin. I should exercise more. I should eat better. I should have more money in savings. I should have more money for retirement. I should have my college degree already. I should have someone to love. I should take a real vacation. I should be a better mother. I should have a nice house. I should have a neat, clean and tidy house. I should have a hobby. I should have more friends. I should work harder. I should take more time off from work. I should call my old friends. I should talk to my brothers. I should be more knowledgeable about current events. I should stop letting things bother me. I should stop worrying so much.

So, what am I going to do? Well, for starters, I have declared July to be a Fast Food-Free Month. I am not allowing myself any fast food, except Subway, because I can eat there without getting stupid. (If you own stock in Wendy's, you may want to sell) I have been a wee bit better about getting to the gym and have even taken a few walks. I bought, and actually ate, fresh fruits and vegies. After just 3.5 days of eating better, I actually feel better. My pants don't feel like a sausage casing and my mind seems clearer. Who knew? At the moment I'm not doing any kind of "diet", just trying to make smarter choices.

We are getting raises next month. I have taken half of my raise amount and am putting it in a 457 plan. It's not alot, but it's better than nothing. I gave my dad the paperwork he needs to take my 401K plans from my past two employers and put them together into one. And who knows, not eating fast-food for a month, may actually leave some extra cash in my account. It could happen.

Classes started again last night. I have speech this quarter and I'm terrified of speaking in front of people. I'm hoping this class will be a life-changing event. I promise I am going into it with a damn good attitude.

I do have to admit to you, dear reader, and especially to myself, that I do feel better than I did a few weeks ago. I don't feel as hopeless as I did. I do think that eventually, I will turn out okay.