Stupid Questions

As some of you already know, I work part-time at our local newspaper as a customer service rep. There are a couple of errors in today's edition. The front page has the wrong date and there is no crossword puzzle. Here are today's stupid questions and how I would like to have answered them:

Q: Do know how many people are going to call you about no puzzle today?
My Wish Answer (MWA): No, I do not. In order to know that, I would have to be psychic. If I was psychic, I would have already won the Powerball and wouldn't have to be working this crap job.

Q: Are you trying to mess with me by putting the wrong date on here?
MWA: Yes sir, we are. It is all part of mass conspiracy just to drive you insane and drain your bank account. See, it's working, we got you to call long distance just to ask that.

Q: Don't you realize that the crossword puzzle is what the old people live for?
MWA: Kill me. Kill me now.

Q: Can you tell me if my classified ad was published today?
My Real Answer: No maam, we are terribly busy and I do not have time to read the paper to check. I'm sorry. (some people!)

Q: Our carrier is leaving the paper on the sidewalk instead of putting it by the door. Will you terminate our subscription?
MWA: Yes maam, I will. It makes so much more sense for you to get dressed and drive to the mini mart to buy a paper for full price. Have a nice day.

It's been a fun morning. Think I'll buy some lottery tickets on the way home.....

Oh and if you are wondering, probably about 40 people called about the damn puzzle.